The thought of it brings tears to my eyes, so let’s see how far this pregnant mama can go without getting too sentimental.
Ah, who are we kidding …
Every morning, Mads and I pack up the car, wave our goodbyes to dad and head out for the day. On our way to school, we chat about the upcoming day, share random stories, tell jokes and sing songs. Do we ever sing songs. And every time she starts to sing, I encourage this girl to sing as loud as she can/wants. She has the sweetest little voice … the kind of sweet voice only a four year old could possess. She doesn’t know all the words but that’s okay. I have a front-row seat every single morning to my own personal concert.
Recently, she started requesting to listen to “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana. If you haven’t heard it, I would recommend it. Yes, I enjoy it.
The other morning, as the song started and her little voice started singing along, I decided to join in. We were singing. We slowly approached a red light. I stopped the car. Then I stopped singing. She kept singing. I looked back at her for a moment. Tears started to well up in my eyes. There’s my little girl. Just one little girl. My one little girl for the past 4+ years. Just her. And soon, very soon, there will be another little girl to share the bench seat.
I’m struggling with how to close this chapter of “Just Us Three”. We are so ready to become a family of four, but these moments of just us three or even just my girl and me are oh-so sweet. Devastatingly precious that it makes my heart ache for more. I know our girl feels like a chapter is closing, too. She may not articulate it in the best way, but when words like “I’m not going to be the best child anymore,” or “I guess the baby will be the favorite,” cross our first born’s lips, I’m a puddle. We scoop her up, hug her tight and remind her that she will always be our first born, our beautifully smart, imaginative, life-loving child. And she will soon be joined by a best friend. One of the best gifts in the whole world. And then, our hearts grow three sizes again. That reminder, and the feeling it brings to grow our family, is all it takes to bring me back and realize we will be ready. Even though moments of hormonal tear-shed are inevitable.
It will be an adjustment as all things are and will be welcomed with open arms. But until that moment comes (which seems like it will be here sooner than we think), we will continue to prepare no matter the heart-struggle. We will wait anxiously for our second girl. We will continue on with our routines and family adventures. We will share special moments and continue to create memories. Adoring this in-between time with our first girl and holding on to the time when there is almost two.